i m just human

i realized it's not easy being me. especially me in the this family. me in this situation, me in this form of human...hahahah..not to say that i m not human. the reason is because I m just human. I have my own space, my own self culture, my own resistance, my on flaws which i dont kno, i kno i dont kno, i kno that i kno or may be i dont know others know. for each and every single word that I uttered it means something to someone..well, may be just my mom.. my nieces..syahirah n syafiqah. the rest of the nieces and nephews r too young to understang things.

i m the only daughter in the family who lives on my own. not that i really want to but I think I need my own space.

..to be continued...

AIdilfitri 2010

My 1st niece

I couldnt sleep.. I was on FB for quite some times.. I had good day today when d classes that I attended this morning has smoothly taken place. I thought I wanted to write something on how how wonderful it went today..but let put it down another day..

My niece, Puteri NurSyahirah helped me to edit some of my pictures in my blog. She is only 14. but in this present time, 14 is a big number. THAT is what I am afraid of. Not having my own kids, but she is like mine. A cheerful, sweet and lovely Syahirah. always known within our immediate family member as "Kakak", "Kak Long" or sometimes I will call her "Sheera Qora" well, she purposely spelled the "Qora" with a "Q" to make it sounds glamorous I think.. she adores Justin BIEBER which I hardly understand why.. I have never fancied any Singers or Actress so much like that. Maybe because of the advance in technology nowadays that today's children are facing..the internet..which I believe is the biggest media influence, thing that every tom, dick n harry or mary or jane must have.. imagine..what they can do with it.. such a nuisance not to have or to even to have it..

And Sheera Qora cooked for me today..a simple dish that is one of my favorite too.."sambal tumis udang"...hahahha... but it was so sweeeeet...like a pool of sugar was poured into it. not to dissapoint her, I ate with some cooked brown rice.. and I said to her.."I love u...thank u.." that was one phrase I have learnt today in my class to say it out to those people around u as each individuals are unique and special in their own way..it means a lot to some people.. it also means nothing to some people..

Coming from a broken home, where her parents divorces at the age of 5, u can imagine how difficult she has to live in several different enviroment. This is where sometimes the style of parental upbringing take place, where for each and different individual the impact could be different. At that early age, she has to live with her grandparents on her mother side... after a while because of some incidents happened she was transfered to be under my parents responsibility. I dont know how long she is going to be with us. But I do hope she will stay until she gets her degree at least which is most probably until the age of 24.

I understand how difficult it is for her to cope..emotionally. Being a teenager, she needs a proper school to attend to, a group of peers to belong to and most probably the best teacher to guide her in her education besides parental love or in this case , grandparental love.

...to be continued....

back to memory lane

hari ni, masa g amik kakak, aku singgah ke tempat mengaji yg lama ..tempat mengaji al quran d jalan menteri yg dah hampir 30 tahun ku tinggalkan.. it's a small world and when i gotto know that my ex school mate in TI Kuantan year 85/86 also attended the same school and I realised it only two days ago.. what a miracle..

my heaven

it has been almost a year I am living on my own. there's nothing much to do at home except to decorate the small n sweet apartment. though it is on the 4th floor, but I love the view from the verandah whenever sunset or at night. it is a quite neighbourhood at night. sometimes, if u r lucky. u can hear the dog barking.

I am used to that now. it is better now that the maintenance office has allocate one parking lot for each house. this is to avoid some neighbours who blocked the parking lot for their own advantage. Furthermore, there are some security guards night and day. though it is not chargeable to the residents yet. I believe the maintenance would do this later.

I think instead of the security guards, the maintenance should provide CCTV at selected area. may be this is much more expensive but it a one time cost.

I dont really have much problem staying alone or staying at the 4th floor. It is the neighbor next door who drives me crazy. not because of me falling for him or them...but because of their disgusting attitude.. they really like to throw rubbish in front of our corridor n make our floor like their waste dumping area..phatetic!

this morning is a great new morning that the company that I m working for is having a Health Day. I have been with the company for six years and this is the first time that this kind of event is happening. I m not sure wether I can donate blood because of my hypertension. usually the staff of the Kelinik Kesihatan Rakyat or from government hospital will take readings of your blood pressure. But based on my histroy and health condition, I dont think I can donate my blood. then again, there is also some health talks and other related events. may be I m going to dropped by and see what is interesting..hahahaha...

old memories keep coming back

november 2010 has been one of the happiest moment in my life. not because anything particular happened. but during this month, I have been meeting my ex schoolmates from TI Kuantan year 85 to 86 which is one of the most crucial time in my life where I spent two years of my time teenagers in the hostel, with strangers and far away from parents. furthermore, it was the first time in my life that it was like that. I have never been separated from my parents before. so this was a very crucial moment in my life.

Favorite shot though not professionally taken

my favorite picture of myself..

Umrah trip 29th June - 14th July 2010

this is the 2nd umrah of my life. i feel that i need to do this after so many things that happened. most important,i prayed for the safety of my family members, so that they can also have the chance to come and visit the holy land.

I am grateful in this trip I have met few good friends. eventhough in the first place, I feared how would be there on my own... I was assigned to a "mahram" in order to pass the Saudi Imigration but after that I was on my own. Pretty much to that, I met few others who also on their own. so, we clicked to each other most of the time.. I was lucky, that even I was not with them, I feel that ALLAH SWT has always guide me an protect me. Alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah, I am planning to go for my third umrah in two years time and later for a Haj ..

a long lost entry

hi everyone..especially kakak..kakngoh..

already been almost a year since I last wrote my entry. i dont really know what to write. at the same time i forgot my password. but finally, after a few attempts I managed to retrieved my blog and am trying very hard to write something positive.

that picture was recently taken when puteri nursyahirah(left), myself, and puteri nursyafiqah went to a see a movie. cant remember the name of the movie though. but the most important thing,we enjoyed each other. To me, this two beautiful princesses are like my own kids though they are with me off and on.. yeah, been thru a lot of ups and downs with them since they were small. though, i m not their biological mother, the bound is very close with these nieces of mine.